Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen said this in one of his infamous rants. (No, not that one. No, not that one either. This one.) But he was right about one thing: He's definitely still winning.

Denise Richards is still taking care of Brooke Mueller's children with Charlie Sheen while she parties rehabs with Lindsay Lohan at the Betty Ford clinic. Now Mueller's hatching a plan to get the twins back -- and the hefty child support check that comes with them.

Social workers have taken Charlie Sheen's twin sons away from their mother Brooke Mueller and placed them with another of his ex-wives: Denise Richards, who really deserves some sort of medal by now.

Today (April 30) the celebrities complain, do good deeds and enjoy some snacks.

Despite warnings from producers that she should show up on time for the 'Scary Movie 5' premiere, Lindsay Lohan was beyond fashionably late anyway. Hands up from anyone who's surprised. (Really? Back there in the back? You must be new.)

Charlie Sheen made perhaps the best entrance ever onto the 'Conan' sound stage last night (April 11), climbing out of a tank with two scantily clad ladies. The reason? He hasn't been on the Warner Bros. lot since his infamous fallout with Chuck Lorre, the creator of 'Two and a Half Men,' and he wanted protection. It's as good a reason as any.

What can you expect from Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen in 'Scary Movie 5?' Lots of reminders of why Sheen and Lohan are train wrecks (one of which pissed Lohan off royally), but also a few glimmering reminders of why we like them anyway. (Sort of.)

That's right, this $4.8 million, 6,600 square-foot mansion is one of three in the area owned by Mr. Warlock himself, Charlie Sheen.

Lindsay Lohan clearly doesn't take her trouble with the law seriously, or else she'd stay out of it. But on the bright side, it may well make for awesome TV. The starlet, more famous for going to (or missing) court dates than for most of her work on camera, had no issues making fun of herself on 'Anger Management' alongside pal and frequent bailer-outer Charlie Sheen.

The battle between Charlie Sheen and his daughter's former school continues, with Sheen once again sounding off on Twitter in response to what he says is bullying in response to anti-bullying -- with the victims this time being his kids and ex-wife.

It's only been two days since Charlie Sheen urged his legion of Twitter followers to throw dog poo at his 9-year-old daughter's school. Since then, it's been revealed that she hasn't even attended the school since May of last year. But Sheen's tiger blood is still boiling.

Porn stars. Blow. Kittens. A party with Charlie Sheen would have everything. Including a messy hangover the next day, a possible arrest, and a wicked story to tell your friends that they'd probably never believe. Think 'The Hangover,' but with less Bradley Cooper.

So, uh, remember how Charlie Sheen suggested everyone send dog feces to his daughter Sam's old school? It turns out the school really isn't a fan of that idea.

Charlie Sheen's inner warlock once again emerged when his 9-year-old daughter Sam became the target of bullying. So he did what any parent would do and called upon his over 9 million Twitter followers to get their finest rotten eggs, toilet paper and dog crap and vandalize his little girl's school. Sounds reasonable.

While Lindsay Lohan has shown in the past she has no qualms about using Charlie Sheen for a payday when she needs quick cash, apparently she doesn't like it he teams up with the paparazzi to talk about her.

Charlie Sheen is a Hollywood antihero, but he wants to be an actual hero for Lindsay Lohan, who he considers a friend -- a friend without any benefits at all.

In our Celebrity Tweets of the Week, Charlie Sheen showed us why he wasn't at the Oscars, Russell Crowe may have celebrated a bit too much after the show, Kevin Smith laid to rest rumors of ‘Clerks III’ casting, Rob Lowe weighed in on Dennis Rodman’s visit to North Korea -- and a whole lot more.

Despite no longer being married, Denise Richards still likes to nag Charlie Sheen on Twitter as if they were. And exchanges like this make it clear he should've never let her go.

Lindsay Lohan may finally have some work coming her way, but she's got a lot of work ahead of her in terms of staying out of the slammer.

Charlie Sheen continues to use his money for the powers of good, racking up karmic bonus points and making it that much harder to judge him when he's an asshat. In addition to helping clothe Lindsay Lohan, paying for funerals and assisting young cancer patients, Sheen has now donated $10,000 to get a formerly paralyzed teenager a therapy dog.