Lindsay Lohan is headed to rehab -- only after Coachella, because priorities -- and the D.A. finally picked one out for her, even though "lockdown rehab" doesn't really exist in New York.

For the uninitiated -- or just the dizzy -- Lilo was sentenced to 90 days of "lockdown rehab" in an 11th hour plea deal in her lying to cops case.

"A facility in New York has been selected that appears to meet all of the criteria set forth by the judge that was made in Lindsay Lohan’s plea deal in her lying to cops case,” a source told Radar Online.

The source added, “The Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office has been in contact with the rehab facility, and it’s satisfied with the information set forth that Lindsay can comply with while there. The main concern was that Lindsay not be given any day passes during the 90 day stay to leave, and prosecutors have been assured this won’t happen. If Lindsay leaves without permission, the prosecutor and judge will be notified immediately, and she will be sent to jail, no questions asked.”

Meanwhile, La Lohan is slated to attend the premiere of 'Scary Movie 5,' and faces dire consequences if she's late. And by "dire consequences," we mean "nothing at all, but they need to scare her into showing up somehow."

“Lindsay was notoriously late for the 'Liz & Dick' premiere and producers of 'Scary Movie 5' have told her she must show up on time,” a production insider told Radar.

“It’s just disrespectful not to and very unprofessional. Will she actually show up on time? No one is holding their breath.”

The biggest problem Lohan would face if she rolled in late wouldn't be from producers, but from her Daddy Warbucks, Charlie Sheen.

“If Lindsay was smart, she would turn up on time because Charlie (Sheen) is absolutely disgusted by all her antics,” the source revealed.

“From showing up late while shooting his sitcom, then walking off with wardrobe from the set, well, Lindsay would be very stupid to burn Charlie again. He has loaned her money for taxes and given her acting jobs when no one else would hire her.”

In other words, if Lohan's late, she'd be pissing off the only person left in Hollywood willing to help her. Somehow we don't think that's going to be enough motivation to get there on time ... especially not if she has to fly.

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