Michael Lohan

Michael Lohan has been arrested on an assault charge.

Michael Lohan dropped some of what people assumed were truth bombs over the weekend about his famously troubled (but recovering) daughter, Lindsay Lohan. But lo and behold! It turns out he -- or tabloids -- may not be so credible after all.

The Betty Ford Clinic, where Lindsay Lohan is undergoing her 90-day court-mandated rehab, wants to bring Michael and Dina Lohan together for a good ol' fashioned family trainwreck bonding session.

Cameras caught up with Lindsay Lohan's former attorney -- the competent one -- Shawn Holley, and she was pretty amused by the hot mess that was Lohan's trial with Mark Heller.

Judge Jim Dabney isn't the only person who wants Lindsay Lohan to drop Mark Heller. Her proud papa, Michael Lohan -- a lukewarm mess to her mom Dina's hot -- not only urged Lilo to get a new attorney (and even found one for her), but also claims to know what tricks Heller has up his sleeve. And as he's wont to do, Michael Lohan is running his mouth about it.

Michael Lohan, determined to make a mark on this world other than a stain, is now making a mark in the literary realm as well. The estranged father of Lindsay Lohan is, like ex-wife and Orange Oprah Dina Lohan, penning a book about his daughter. Because, you know, he loves her a lot.

Because the Lohans are such successful, intelligent and wise people, who better to breed more? As Lindsay was busy with her court hearing and being rejected from hotels, her dad Michael Lohan added to the litter of potential inmates last night when his former fiancee, Kate Major, gave birth to a baby boy.

Unless she's forcibly thrown into rehab, Lindsay Lohan probably won't send herself there again voluntarily. Especially when people keep believing that she's too broke to pay for it. That's where the loud-mouthed rehab superhero known by his civilian name Michael Lohan comes in to save the day.

At some point, we have to wonder if Michael Lohan doesn’t have his daughter arrested just so he has an excuse to give exclusive interviews to the press. It certainly didn’t take him long to spill his guts to the tabloids after LiLo’s most recent bust. And, interestingly, he always seems to know what needs to be done to “help” his daughter.

In "why the hell would you do this to yourself" news, Michael Lohan filmed an episode of some show called 'Trisha Goddard' to discover the paternity of a possible love-child of his from 1995 -- and things did not end well. For anyone.

As if he wasn't unhinged enough, Michael Lohan is now claiming that he helped Octomom -- aka Nadya Suleman -- get on the path to rehab to kick her Xanax addiction. Through his super-secret non-profit organization in Florida, of course. So that's a thing.