Our condolences to discriminating sapphic gals everywhere: Seems Lindsay Lohan doesn't bat for your team anymore.

The National Enquirer reports that Lohan had to pretty much swat off a particularly persistent young lady who was enamored with the starlet. Here's what a witness says allegedly went down.

A gal in her late 20s was staring LiLo down at an L.A. nightspot, and sent a waiter to buy her a drink. (Strike one, ma'am.)

Lohan politely declined, but who doesn't love a challenge? (Besides date rapists.) When Lohan went to the restroom, the same smitten kitten stopped her before she could lock herself into a stall. The super-believable script?

“Lindsay, I've been staring at you all night. You’re so beautiful! I want to go out with you. I think we’d be a great couple!” Because, you know, people talk like that all the time to other people they've never met.

That's when Lohan dropped the big ol' hetero bomb. “Thanks for the compliment,” she said graciously, “but I’m not into girls anymore."

What the what? What happened? PTSD-style flashbacks to her stormy relationship with Samantha Ronson? Unusually effective conversion therapy?

Turns out, none of the above. La Lohan explained, "That was just a phase I was going through."

With that, she proceeded to tinkle or stinkle or what have you -- and when she was done, her wannabe woman pulled a Houdini and disappeared.

So, let it be known: The onscreen Liz really does love 'Dick.'