Secrets of the Royal Baby have been revealed to Us Weekly. The couple has already chosen a girl’s name, which – according to bookmakers – is not likely to be Camilla. Kate has a cute nickname for her bump – definitely not “the great belt loosener” – as well as sugary cravings and yoga workouts. Also, Harry checks up on her when Will’s away. Fully clothed, we assume.
Wynonna Judd told the mag exclusively, “I watched my love almost die.” Apparently, Judd had a heart-shaped cactus she named Love - except as it turns out, she’s not that good at taking care of plants, so Love the cactus nearly shriveled up. Coincidentally, her husband’s name is also Cactus. Also coincidentally, this is not actually what happened. But hey, it could have.
Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have been torn apart by jealousy. This is much less physically damaging than being torn apart by wolves, and slightly easier on the ego than being torn apart by Joan Rivers. However, it does change the color of your hair and suck you through a wormhole back to Australia. It also makes you mildly more interesting for about 10 minutes.
We got an itsy bitsy glimpse inside Jenna Dewan-Tatum’s baby shower. Everyone was overdressed and also pregnant. There was a cake made of diapers. All the gifts were way too expensive, but also gender-neutral so the child won’t become confused until at least junior high. We looked expectantly through all the photos, but there was no actual showering to be found. Sorry. We know that would have been hot.