Sheryl Crow Blames Benign Brain Tumor on ‘Old Archaic Cell Phones’

When you're counting your blessings, please take a moment to thank the gods that Sheryl Crow is a singer/songwriter and not a physician, because she’s not very good at all that science and doctor stuff.

How do we know? We know because she claims she got a brain tumor from ... her cell phone.

On Katie Couric’s new show – the aptly named ‘katie’ – Crow revealed that after noticing she was having memory issues and fielding concerns about early onset Alzheimer’s, she had an MRI done. The MRI, being the smartest party in this interaction, discovered that Crow had a benign brain tumor.

Although she admits “there are no doctors that will confirm” her theory, Crow believes that tumor is the result of talking on the phone too much decades ago, telling Couric, “I [used to spend] hours on the old archaic cell phones.”

We assume by “archaic” she means Zack Morris-style in the late 80s and early 90s, but perhaps she still has one of those flip phones we were all using just a few years ago. Despite rigorous research, we can’t find any kind of scientific scale showing which ones are more tumor-ish in order to better understand her claim.

Keep in mind that this isn’t the first time Ms. Crow has decided she knows from whence cancer comes. After being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006, she determined, through some unscientific method of her own, that she had contracted it by drinking water from a bottle that had been heating up in her car for an extended period of time. Which is kind of like saying skin cancer is caused by repeated listenings of 'Soak Up the Sun.'

Hey, Nobel Prize committee, we think you missed a spot.