YOU: You appear next to the word “aloof” in the dictionary. I’m not judging, but you’ve played a pothead so many times, I’m beginning to wonder if there's some smoke under all that typecasting fire. When you aren't taking classes or teaching classes, you managed to get cast as one of the most intriguing and spellbinding characters in movie history.

ME: I’ll warn you that I just got married. And my hair is currently shorter than yours. But I’m beloved for my endearing portrayals of awkward princesses, super hot catlike anti-heros and sickly French whores. Oh, and the wattage from my smile alone could power the entire island of Manhattan.

I say we get together and host the Oscars. You stand there like you just woke up and I’ll work overtime to make sure everyone is having fun like it’s my 13th birthday party and some of the popular kids showed up. It’ll be really uncomfortable, but it's cool. I'll change clothes 47 times so nobody will notice.

More From StarCrush