YOU: You're the stylish, endearing and openly gay – not that anyone was surprised or really cared - host of a current events show on a well-respected news channel. You’re also the adorable, dimpled host of a daytime talk show that is, sadly, as short-lived as some people's patience for me. But dude, you may want to consider washing your jeans a little more frequently.

ME: I’m very proud of my D-list level of stardom, and some would describe me as "that loudmouthed comedienne who isn't Joan Rivers but shares her affection for plastic surgery." I'm beloved by the gays, mainly because I'm not afraid to tool on celebrities -- so much so that it's really a wonder I'm even allowed to be around them anymore.

I say we get together and host a raucous but sexually confusing New Year’s Eve show in which I’ll seem drunk, you’ll seem tolerant, and the whole world will seem upside down. You know you want to. I'll throw in drag queens and everything!