Even Sea Lions Don’t Like Chelsea Handler

If having a sea lion snack on her leg while she was on vacation is Chelsea Handler's payback for trashing celebrities, we're gonna have to give up surfing.

But as always, you can count on Handler to make light of being at the top of the food chain.

"This summer, after recovering from [knee] surgery, I managed to sustain only one other bodily injury," Handler said on her late night show 'Chelsea Lately.' "I was innocently paddle boarding in the Pacific when suddenly a rogue sea lion leaped up and viciously attacked my leg."

And how exactly does that happen? "I fell off my paddle board and I saw a sea lion who was following me out. I was with some friends and I left them," she said. "I don't know where they went, but anyway, a sea lion came around, looked me in the face and I thought, 'F---!' I'm like, 'I know I'm going to get bitten by a sea lion!' Of course I would! Who else would get attacked?"

She showed off a bandaged leg as proof of her injuries, but what she didn't mention is that other beachgoers later caught sight of the same sea lion, who was stumbling around and mumbling how the flesh of some blonde lady tasted like Jello shots.