Celebrity Cribs

This Hollywood Hills home is owned by a producer who writes, stars in and directs his own films. Films he should really stop making because just having his name attached to something often makes us not want to see it.

This newly-purchased Los Angeles home was just snapped up by a recently engaged actor/literal son of a preacher man for him and his fiance to grow old in. At least until the final season of his show airs this summer and he has to find other career prospects.

This London native is selling his Maida Vale home and is moving on up to the more well-to-do English neighborhood of Highgate. Which sounds more like the plot of a 'Downton Abbey' episode and less like a real estate transaction to us.

Don't let appearances fool you. This New York City townhouse is bigger on the inside, and as an added bonus, it's owned by an Oscar-nominated actor. That's almost as good as an Oscar-winning actor, at least for resale value.

This New York City penthouse belongs to a pint-sized daytime talk show host who shills for appliance companies in her spare time.

This singer is currently healing a broken heart with the purchase of this $6 million home in Los Angeles. We'd call it a bachelor pad, but it's big enough for the entire cast of 'The Bachelor' -- and its requisite rose garden.

This socialite and well-known ex-wife sold the above mini-mansion in Tarzana, Calif., probably because it's wasted space -- with 19 stays in rehab, she spends more time in facilities than she does at home.

This Beverly Hills home is available for lease since the actor who owns it is running low on cash, what with spending so much money using his lawyers to talk to his ex-wife instead of manning up and making those calls himself. It's not like he'll be sleeping in the car, though -- he has plenty of other luxury pads. Hanging out in a bar where everyone knows your name apparently pays obscenely well.

This $12 million mansion in the Pacific Palisades area of Southern California was just snapped up by an R&B singer who will most likely use every room in the home to take topless photos of herself and share them with the internet. In other words, the manse is a punishment to us all.

Just because this actor often looks homeless doesn't mean he has aspirations to in fact be homeless, as evidenced by his recent purchase of this massive new pad with a $17.5 million price tag (although he reportedly got it for the bargain-basement price of only $13 million).

A first-time homeowner and sassy redheaded comedienne snapped up this cozy Beverly Hills house recently to share with her web-slinging boyfriend, and they're crossing their fingers really hard that it's not full of radioactive mutant spiders.

The second most overpaid actress in Hollywood is moving on up to a bigger and better home, because when you have a return profit of $3.40 for every dollar you get paid, you can splurge a little.

This fixer-upper in Los Angeles is owned by a jack-of-all-trades who's more self-important than the majority of celebrities (quite a feat, that). In addition to being an actor, this homeowner blogs, teaches and holds God knows how many degrees by now.

What lucky celebrity has enough money (or is the girlfriend to enough money) and has the chutzpah to live in this 28,524-square-foot spaceship house currently being constructed in Moscow, Russia?

The property boast two homes and has gorgeous ocean views, perfect for a newly-single guy to land his next conquest.

This British actress who recently got married on the very very down low in a casual ceremony is selling her cutesy pad in East London where she lives with her new indie rocker husband.

This farmhouse is owned by a celebrity couple made in country music heaven.

The handsome actor who owns this on-the-market home in the Hamptons is a triple threat: He can sing, he can dance, and he can portray a gigolo with the best of them. (As can anyone who is not Rob Schneider.)

If you have 10 million or so burning a hole in your pocket, this picturesque house currently owned by an Academy Award winner could be yours. Just try not to cry over the huge price tag, boys.

This Los Angeles home was recently purchased by an always hunky and often shirtless werewolf. Because he's just not pale and weak enough to be one of those pathetic vampires all the teenagers love. In fact, he does such a good job howling at the moon that in 2011 he was voted "Favorite Pop-Culture Werewolf of All Time." Yup, of all time. (Talk about your resume-boosters.)