In things you never thought you'd hear, Brad Pitt is jealous of Matt Damon. And no, it has nothing to do with Damon's Oscar-winning turn as a screenwriter. Instead, Brad is jealous that Matt is famous, but not so famous that he can't walk places without being mobbed by paparazzi.

And to that we say, this is what happens when you shack up with Angelina Jolie and adopt the world together.

"If you can control the celebrity side of celebrity, then it's worth it," Damon admitted to Esquire about fame, using Brad Pitt as an example of the other side of the coin. "I look at Brad — and I have for years — and when I'm with him I see the intensity of that other side of it."

"The paparazzi and the insane level of aggression they have and their willingness to break the law and invade his space — well, I wonder about that trade."

Joked Damon, "I remember telling [Brad] that I walk my kids to school, and his face just fell. He was very kind, but he was like, 'You bastard.' Because he should be able to do that too. And he can't."

But make no mistake -- Matt Damon is a huge star. So what's his secret to maintaining a normal life?

"I got lucky. I fell in love with a civilian," Damon explained about wife Luciana, whom he married in 2005. "Not an actress, and not a famous actress at that. Because then the attention doesn’t double — it grows exponentially. Because then suddenly everybody wants to be in your bedroom."

His other trick? Not being a douche. "If I’m not jumping up and down on a bar, or lighting something on fire, or cheating on my wife, there’s not really any story [for the media] to tell," he explained.

Yup, just dull, middle-aged Matt Damon, who spends his time being a devoted father and husband. Also, not going to the bathroom. Also also, making out with Michael Douglas. You know, totally boring.

Matt's full interview hits newsstands today. Just try not to nod off while reading it.

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