Hugh Hefner

"This is not pretty what I'm seeing."

Holly Madison has claimed Pamela Anderson was standoffish with the other Playboy Bunnies in the company of Hugh Hefner.

One of nature's little jokes on humanity is that while women's fertility years are limited, men's generally aren't. And since older celebrity guys often have much younger girlfriends and wives, that means lots of famous men become fathers at an age when most men would otherwise be grandfathers...

You guessed it, this house -- currently on the market for $11 million -- is just across the street from the famed Playboy Mansion, and it's where Hugh Hefner reportedly houses his vast array of Playboy bunnies.

Perhaps finally accepting the fact that she will never take over the Hilton hotel chain, Paris Hilton slipped on a sparkly Playboy bunny outfit and partied with Hugh Hefner and Snoop Lion for Playboy's annual Easter egg hunt. YAY JESUS!

If you didn't know better, Hugh Hefner would just be your average geriatric in a nightclub, wearing a captain's hat and falling asleep surrounded by 30 beautiful women. But he isn't. He's Hugh effing Hefner, people, and he's unsurprisingly taken so many women back to Gollum's lair his bedroom that he's lost track.

Hugh Hefner's secretary of over 40 years, Mary O'Connor, has gone to that great Playboy Mansion in the sky. And the sassy den-mother, who saw scores of playmates bounce their man-made boobies about, will be missed by not only Hef, but by the plasticine ladies who knew her.

Not content with all the tail he was regularly getting in the Playboy Mansion and eager for something deep and real, Hugh Hefner finally tied the knot with generic bimbo Crystal Harris, who was likely eager for bank accounts that were also deep and real.

Since Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner are re-engaged after their 2011 split (when Harris ran off five days before the wedding), she's now been rewarded with yet another giant engagement ring.

Remember that time Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner was dating that young, attractive blonde? No, not that one. Not that one either. Or that one. Or those two.