YOU: You just retired as the face of a successful action thriller franchise, but you seem totally cool with it. You keep busy with cute appearances on TV shows like ‘30 Rock’ and by joining all the women who have done so and shaving your head for a role. I love your accent even though you try to hide it.

ME: I'm a fellow Bostonian recently named Entertainer of the Year by a popular celebrity magazine. I don’t choose acting roles as well as you do so I tend to wind up in a flop every few years, but I’ve suddenly become all the rage as a director. So maybe someday I’ll have as many Oscars as Golden Raspberries.

Let’s get together and embark on one of Hollywood's best-known bromances.