Alexandra Capotorto in the business of writing pop culture-y stuff for two reasons: Britney Spears and Johnny Depp, one to befriend, the other to reproduce with. Figure that out yourselves. Her friends have dubbed her their official "Walking Encyclopedia of Celebrity Knowledge," which she thrives on and abuses to not-so-subconsciously inflate her own ego. Her only regret in life is not getting to E! before Giuliana Rancic and Chelsea Handler, because the latter essentially stole her identity - but they're cool now. Kind of. She's convinced that she could simultaneously win 'The Voice' and an Academy Award in a one year time period, given her fantastic shower-singing and ability to over-dramatize everything, but she'll settle for being a writer. Key word being "settle." She's sarcastic and witty, and takes nothing and no one seriously. She recites lines from movies mid-conversation much to the dismay of her "friends" - but at least she gives them someone to talk about afterward. Most importantly, she holds a B.A. in Print Journalism from Quinnipiac University, but only because her parents forced her to go. She would've preferred slumming it in Beverly Hills as Britney Spears' assistant/BFF.
Alexandra Capotorto
Megan Fox – Banana Mascot
Megan Fox as a dancing banana will never stop being funny, because there's nothing that gives us the Beavis giggles like a hot chick dressed as a phallic object.
Attention, Taylor Swift Suitors: Bring a Steady Supply of Pants
When it comes to relationships, Taylor Swift apparently prefers to play a more submissive role. Probably because she's too busy jotting notes in her lyrics journal to do much else.
Vanessa Hudgens Reportedly Propositioned by a Drunken Christina Aguilera
It wouldn't surprise anyone if Christina Aguilera likes to have threesomes. After all, this is a chick who eschews panties and once considered assless chaps a fashion statement.
But it's who she allegedly invited for playtime that's got people buzzing: 'High School Musical' star Vanessa Hudgens.
Today in Celebrity Wombs: Kristen Bell and Beverley Mitchell Are Both Knocked Up
First comes love, then comes engagement, then comes morning sickness -- at least that's the Hollywood way, and Kristen Bell and 'Parenthood' star Dax Shepard are no exception to the rule.
Oh, and Beverley Mitchell -- Jessica Biel's BFF and '7th Heaven' co-star -- announced she's expecting, too.
Someone Wants to Put Miley Cyrus in Porn
Sometimes it's tough for a Disney starlet to shed her good-girl image, but starring in porn would definitely do it. And Miley Cyrus has an offer on the table to do just that.
Joe Simpson Says He Still Likes the Ladybits
Even though Joe Simpson and wife Tina filed for divorce not too long ago amid rumors Papa Joe had switched alliances and was now playing for Team Twink, he says all that scuttlebutt simply isn't true.
Sharon Osbourne’s Double Mastectomy Made Her Swear Off All Plastic Surgery
Sharon Osbourne has announced that she recently underwent a double mastectomy, so spooked was she by carrying a gene that elevated her chances of getting breast cancer.
Eva Longoria Dumps Mark Sanchez
Looks like one of Hollywood's most notorious cougars has cast aside another cub: Actress Eva Longoria, 37, and New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, 25, are kaput.
Daniel Radcliffe Is Back on the Market
Listen up, 'Harry Potter' nerds. Your chance to ride Daniel Radcliffe's (broom)stick is nigh -- seems Radcliffe and girlfriend Rosie Coker have officially called it quits.
Lindsay Lohan Gets Another ‘F’ for Attendance
Lindsay Lohan recently said she's voting for Mitt Romney because "employment is very important right now," but leave it to her to have a paying gig -- and then bail on it.
Christina Aguilera Says Not Wearing Panties Gives Power to Her Ladybits [VIDEO]
In a stunning (it's not stunning) revelation, Christina Aguilera told the world that she doesn't wear panties. Ever.
Thanks, Xtina. Now we can't get that image out of our heads. Ever.
Noted Tool Sam Lufti Goes to Court Against Britney Spears + Her Family
Explosive allegations from douchebag hanger-on Sam Lufti were made public on Thursday when his trial against Britney Spears and her family began in Los Angeles.
‘American Idol’ Tries to Make Us Believe the Minaj-Carey War Isn’t For Ratings
Nigel Lythgoe, producer of 'American Idol' (and just about every other FOX reality show), insists that smackdown between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj was very real and wasn't conjured up by the publicity-hungry suits at the network.
Not because they'd never do such a thing, but because the timing is way off.
So Donald Trump Is Giving Relationship Advice to Robert Pattinson Now
Between his never-ending bloviating and his categorically awful weave, Donald Trump may well hold the record for eliciting the most simultaneous eye rolls from the general public. And no one is safe from his asinine opinions -- not the President, not the Royal Family, and certainly not Robert Pattinson.
Joaquin Phoenix Doesn’t Want Your Bourgeois Awards But Hey, Thanks Anyway
Joaquin Phoenix picked up a Best Actor award at the Venice Film Festival about a month ago, but lest you think he's all about the shiny baubles, we assure you he's not.
In fact, he thinks vying for awards is the "stupidest thing in the whole world," proving he hasn't read much lately about Lindsay Lohan or the Kardashians or 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.'
Hulk Hogan May Not Have Been Heather Clem’s Only On-Camera Celebrity Conquest
As we deal with the reality that a woman would willingly get naked with Hulk Hogan and make a sex tape to commemorate the occasion, we're almost tempted to thank Heather Clem for taking one for the team.
But as it turns out, Hogan may not have been her only notable on-camera conquest.
Cue the 'Law & Order' chung chung.
Justin Timberlake + Jessica Biel Could be Married by Monday
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are reportedly saying arrivederci to single life this weekend -- and tying the knot in Italy.
Today in Celebrity Wombs: Megan Fox Transforms Into a Mother
It's official -- Megan Fox is now a MILF.
The 'Transformers' actress and her husband, '90210' actor Brian Austin Green (yeah, we're not sure how that happened either), welcomed a baby boy named Noah Shannon Green on Sept. 27.
John Mayer + Katy Perry May Be the Most Boring Couple Ever [PHOTO]
It looks as though Katy Perry is still on that disastrous trip-to-nowhere known as dating John Mayer. The on-again, off-again, on-again couple were spotted out on Tuesday night dining in New York City for Mayer's 35th birthday.
But anyone expecting drunken antics or a messy public break-up was sadly disappointed.
Robert Pattinson + Kristen Stewart Cozy Up in Rare Bigfoot-Like Sighting [VIDEO]
Despite a cheating scandal earlier this year, it seems Robert Pattinson has forgiven Kristen Stewart -- because new video shows the two of them looking pretty comfortable together.