Gwyneth Paltrow is inexplicably everywhere all at once these days. She's on red carpets and magazine covers and inside your kitchen dumping your Lucky Charms down the garbage disposal because of their sugar content.

So it's no surprise Vanity Fair wanted to do a cover story on her. What is a surprise is that Gwyn didn't want anything to do with it.

Gwynnie turned down the mag, seemingly spooked by its recent cover stories on Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise -- both of which skewed negative.

But when Vanity Fair decided to press on with the story regardless of whether she wanted to cooperate or not, Gwyn began making the rounds, commanding those in her circles not to talk (or they'll be kicked to the curb like so much Madonna).

“The magazine said it was going to proceed with the story without her, so her team has been asking people not to talk at all," a source told Page Six.

But what could she be hiding? What secrets are hiding behind the world's most beautiful woman and her taut, lithe stripper's ass? We already know she smokes one cigarette a week like some sort of amusement park carny and feeds her children Oreos, single-handedly worsening the obesity epidemic. What could possibly be worse than that?

It's still surprising she'd turn down the free publicity, because if there's one thing Gwyneth Paltrow likes to talk about, it's Gwyneth Paltrow. And kale cleanses. Okay, two. Two things. Oh, and rap music. Three.


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