YOU: Despite the fact that you’re a young hipster with that affable Iowa way about you, we have a lot in common. You lived the '70s on a show, and I live the '70s every day. You married a much older woman, and I prefer dating much younger women – usually a few at a time. You were played Steve Jobs. I can’t hold a job.

ME: Winning.

Let's get together and star on the same sitcom. Only first I think I should go batcrap crazy and piss off the producer of said show so I get canned, and then you can swoop in with your new hotness and save the ratings.