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Today in Chris Brown: He Likely Violated His Probation + Probably Yells Homophobic Slurs

Chris Brown
Kevin Winter, Getty Images

Chris Brown is such a walking disaster that “Chris Brown” should become a verb to explain how douchey someone is. Like, “Chris Brown totally Chris Browned all over the place.”

In addition to being accused of faking his community service by the L.A. District Attorney, it’s been revealed that he may have charmingly yelled a homophobic slur during his brawl over a parking spot with Frank Ocean.

Man. What a Chris Brown.

His first set of law-related troubles may result in the self-proclaimed Jesus having his probation revoked, as authorities have submitted paperwork saying Brown could not have been picking up garbage in Virginia (his court-mandated community service for beating the snot out of Rihanna) while simultaneously being on private jet to Cancun.

Unless he actually was Jesus. In which case, we have a case of water and we’re short on wine for a dinner party tonight. Get on that, yo.

Bryan T. Norwood, the Chief of Police in Richmond, Va., signed off on Brown’s trash duties, but only admitted to supervising him nine or 10 times out of the 202 days he supposedly worked.

The D.A.’s letter alleges, among other things, that the detective assigned to watch Chris was told not to bother monitoring him at the Tappahannock Children’s Center where he volunteered to do odd jobs — Brown’s own mother (who was once a director there) submitted all that paperwork. And since she herself thinks her kid is the second coming, that’s a bit of a problem.

The judge became suspicious about Brown completing all his community service when there wasn’t any “credible, competent or verifiable evidence” that he did so. What’s more, sources say Brown couldn’t have possibly done his civic duty on some of the days claimed because he was in other countries doing concerts.

The D.A. referred to the documentation of Brown’s service in his letter as “at best sloppy … and at worst fraudulent reporting.” And it only gets worse from there.

Brown could also have his violation revoked for failing a drug test, not filing for a travel permit, tossing a chair through a window at ‘Good Morning America,’ and his recent tussle with Frank Ocean.

Speaking of such, while Ocean isn’t pressing charges, the official incident report says the melee started when Ocean refused to move out of Brown’s parking spot. During the fight, someone (Ocean isn’t sure who) called him a nasty name that rhymes with maggot but isn’t, and then Brown threatened to shoot him.

Ocean recently came out in a public letter, so Brown and his crew can’t exactly say the slur was a coincidence.

The fight ended after three minutes with Ocean suffering a cut on his index finger and temple. He refused treatment but later went on his own to the hospital. The disagreement escalated, according to the report, when Ocean refused to shake Brown’s hand. Perhaps the same one that eventually wound up in a cast.

We don’t blame Frank for not wanting to touch it, though. We all know where it’s been.

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