Games

To make ends meet, this surgically-enhanced former television star, now dancing and skating reality show star, has been forced to sell her Malibu home to close the gap in her expenses.

If you can be grateful for nothing, be grateful for water. This self-proclaimed punk rock princess once said, "It's important to be thankful, even if you're poor. I mean, come on, we all have clean water - well, okay, not people in the developing world."

One ticket to hell, please! This multiple reality show participant thinks, "The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex. To me, bars are what hell is like."

Not helping with those pesky "Tom Cruise likes the peen" rumors, this actor once said, "Tom has - we all have - the right to practice how we feel... Don't judge someone until they have tossed your salad."

Either this British frontman has never changed a diaper or he's never washed a dish. He once opined, "Men should always change diapers... It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes."

This actress has a whole lot of ethnic pride. As she'll tell you, "I've got cousins galore. Mexicans just spread all their seeds and the women just pop them out."

This reality show star has no discernible talent yet still swims in money that allowed her to buy a gorgeous mansion like this one in Beverly Hills.

Nothing like a little bloodshed to bring some sunshine to your day. This actor admitted, "Sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered."

Insurance companies don't like to bring it up, but we're facing a serious problem: spontaneous human combustion. This actor often ponders, "What would happen if you melted? You know, you never really hear this talked about much, but spontaneous combustion? It exists!"

This is just like the myth of Narcissus, but with an aging rocker staring into a mirror instead. This immortal once said, "I have this strange sort of animal magnetism. It's very hard for me to take my eyes off myself."

Despite currently being childless, this director with a fondness for blowing things up has big parenting plans, saying, "When I have a son, I'm going to have him get seduced by an older woman. It's a great way for a guy to learn."

This actress thinks going on a murderous rampage is one of the most loving things someone can do. She once admitted, "My dream role would probably be a psycho killer... it's incredibly romantic."

This tennis player probably didn't mean to sound hooker-ish when she claimed, "I'm like an expensive menu... you can look but you can't afford!"

Our definition of "basic" is clearly a bit off -- because according to this actor, "There's something very basic about rubbing honey on your skin and going steaming with a bunch of strange Russian men."

YOU: You're the perfect young starlet with talent, looks, fashion sense and smarts, not to mention a wicked wit. A rare combination for your age group. You have excellent archery skills and you make dating a crazy woman seem like a great idea...

Five words just isn't enough. This actress misheard a question abut her "year" and responded to a reporter, "My urine? Describe my urine in five words? I don't think I can do it in five. Oh! My year!"

Sorry paramedics, you are obsolete. This believer in a made-up religion mused, "Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident... you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one that can really help."

Finally, the evolutionary purpose of hair has been revealed! This actor once explained, "I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head."

This singer wants his food to look the same coming out as it does going in. He once mused about bowel movements, saying, "Isn't it weird that some small pets make doo doos that look just like the food they eat? I wish I had that talent."

YOU: You're the stylish, endearing and openly gay – not that anyone was surprised or really cared - host of a current events show on a well-respected news channel. You’re also the adorable, dimpled host of a daytime talk show that is, sadly, as short-lived as some people's patience for me. But dude, you may want to consider washing your jeans a little more frequently.