YOU: You're the perfect young starlet with talent, looks, fashion sense and smarts, not to mention a wicked wit. A rare combination for your age group. You have excellent archery skills and you make dating a crazy woman seem like a great idea. I also like it when you put on that hot blue fish suit.

ME: I’m too down to earth to brag, but I was named “Sexiest Man Alive” by People Magazine. Every guy wants me at his bachelor party, at least until the hangover sets in. Just like you, everything I do is the most adorable thing anyone has ever done. Our lovability ratings together could take over the world.

How about we spend some time playing two endearingly insane people looking for love and normalcy in a stressful world? Do a little dance. Make a little love. And then say we aren’t together in real life even though it would be amazing if we were.