This seems like a good time for another story all about the royal baby who isn't even here yet.
Who can resist hearing about a last-minute name choice? And our palms were practically sweating as we read about the Duchess’ delivery room jitters and her fear of being alone (as if). We also thought we'd had enough of the adorable palace nursery, but no ... wait ... yes, we’ve had enough.
This kid needs to arrive so the media can start tarnishing its reputation already.
Next, it seems like a dream come true, except she’s still on the cover of a tabloid: Kim Kardashian is in hiding. But don't worry, Us Weekly knows why.
This seems like precisely the way a Kardashian would be in hiding -- the world would know it was happening and exactly why. And then talk about it. (We’re guessing none of them was ever good at hide-n-seek as a child.)
Last week, we found out the Bachelorette was ready to go home because all the bachelors on the show were scum. This week? She’s torn between two guys.
We can’t tell if some of these “bachelors from hell” have actually changed in a week, were told to “change,” or if the producers were simply really adept at convincing Desiree Hartsock to just choose from the lesser of three asshats and fulfill her contractual agreement. Regardless, we’re placing our bets on her hating at least one of these guys again by next week.
Ooh, Kerry Washington had a shocker of a secret wedding. But wait, where's the shocker here? Washington is beautiful and talented, so we aren’t shocked that she managed to snag a fella. And she’s a celebrity who doesn’t like to spend a lot of time under the tabloid heatlamp, so we aren’t shocked that she kept the wedding a secret.
Still, it’s fun to be shocked, so we pretended anyway. (We owed you one after the blase way we handled the George Clooney/Stacy Keibler split.)