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Mark Heller Wants to Start a Lindsay Lohan Foundation. Enjoy Your Day.

Mark Heller Lindsay Lohan
David McNew, Getty Images

Mark Heller may be a horrible attorney for Lindsay Lohan, but he’s a glorious treasure trove of material for the rest of us.

Heller famously replaced Shawn Holley — who was sometimes criticized for being too good at her job — and it’s pretty much been nonstop drama and nonsense since he signed on to rep Lilo.

In a bizarre letter to the prosecutor in her lying to cops case, Heller says that Lohan is looking to start a “Lindsay Lohan Foundation.”

Here’s a fun excerpt, courtesy of Radar Online:

“Lindsay will be participating in intensive psychotherapy, submitting herself to regular screening and contributing her time to the production of public service messages and periodic visits to schools, hospitals, and other venues where she may provide inspirational talks, encouraging children to pursue positive goals and avoid bad habits.

I am also exploring the establishment of a Lindsay Lohan Foundation that will provide a non-profit program to benefit young people.”

Right. Because nothing is more inspirational than rum, squandered talent, bad parents and a complete disregard for personal responsibility.

In addition to the Help a Hot Mess Fund, Heller, in a move unheard of in criminal law, asserts that he and Lohan want to meet with prosecutors to “express her sincerest desire to share her thoughts and help in the process of our determination what the best course would be for her future and to personally affirm her commitment and dedication to fix the problems.”

Because he’s not only a great lawyer but also a wonderful candidate for MENSA, Heller’s letter was also sent to Judge Stephanie Sautner, but had to be destroyed — it’s illegal for judges to read documents with biased information about defendants.

A pretrial hearing will go down this Friday (March 1), with the actual trial slated for March 18.

Here’s hoping that goes better than Lohan’s tax bills. She was just hit with a new lien for 2011, adding another $56,000 to her already massive debt. We bet something’s telling her that Holley’s pricey legal fees were worth it.

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