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Jenny McCarthy Once Tried to Have Sex With a Tree

Ethan Miller, Getty Images

Jenny McCarthy was a good Catholic girl, until she became a slutty non-Catholic woman. Fortunately for all of us, she wrote a book about Fun Jenny and redefined “nature lover” in the process.

Turns out sometimes our favorite TV personality and Playboy Playmate partakes of brain-altering substances. And these substances make her do silly things.

Like, you know, have sex with trees.

In her new book ‘Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic,’ Jenny tells the story of taking some ecstasy one night, after which she found herself clinging to a tree to stay steady on her feet.

But then, like a scene out of a romantic comedy, she looked deeply into the tree’s eyes and realized there was a spark. She and the tree were more than just friends.

She wrote, “The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping!”

And there was more drug-related fun to be had. The 40-year-old centerfold also said she and her friends almost ended up at a hospital naked — they freaked out about how much E they had taken and were going to get help, until Jenny realized they were not only high on an illicit substance, they were all nude.

Man. We hate it when that happens.

Forget ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ you guys. This is the kind of erotica America should really be reading.

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