Jessica Simpson

It's not easy to be Jessica Simpson: Sure, she's wealthy and gorgeous, but she has an underemployed groom-to-be, a Weight Watchers contract that's not going to work out so well and no real grasp of how the reproductive system works. Now she also has a dad who's really hungry for her cash, to the point of potentially depriving it from her fiance and baby.

Jessica Simpson presents a style conundrum. When she's on, she is on. But when she has a fashion blunder, it's bad enough to make national news. She has some serious strengths and heads a massive fashion empire that includes clothes, handbags and shoes -- but one might wonder how it can be worth $100 million when Jessica herself can't consistently dress herself well.

She may be the face of Weight Watchers for now, but the second Jessica Simpson starts blowing up with that pregnancy weight, she might be dropped like a sack of potatoes. And at around five Weight Watchers points each, that's a whole lotta potatoes.

The interwebs are ablaze with chatter that Jessica Simpson -- who just seven months ago birthed her first baby -- is "accidentally" knocked up again after a sperm apparently tripped and fell into one of her eggs. At first we were all "doesn't she know how how babies are made?" and then we remembered who we're talking about here so never mind.

Jessica Simpson lost 60 pounds post pregnancy, and it's all thanks to Weight Watchers. And her nutritionist. And her personal trainer. And her dietician, private chef, personal assistant and personal assistant's personal assistant. But, you know, mostly Weight Watchers.

Joe Simpson, the former Baptist minister and breast-loving father of Jessica, is allegedly gay, which would certainly explain his September split from wife Tina. What's more, he's now moved onto greener and manlier pastures with a 20-something plaything. Again, allegedly.

Remember a few months ago when Jessica Simpson was pregnant and she did the thing that celebrity women are never ever supposed to do and got kinda, how can we put this, well … fat? You don’t want to say it, but you were thinking it too. We know. She was. But not anymore.