Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow may have the pretentiousness of a thousand women, but that doesn't mean she understands how science works. So if she wants to believe eating organic food can stop cells from growing inside your body and unicorns fart rainbows then by God, that's what she's going to believe and you can't stop her.

MC Gwyneth Paltrow and DJ Jazzy Cameron Diaz -- who are reportedly BFFs after Gwynnie tired of Madonna and replaced her with a newer, young model in the form of Diaz -- recently got together to pop off a little rap for mutual friend Chelsea Handler. And for the white guys who can't jump, don't feel bad. Turns out most white girls can't rap.

Apparently Madonna's warranty as bestie has expired, leading Gwyneth Paltrow to trade her in for a younger, prettier model. And why was Madge was kicked to the curb like last season's thigh-high boots? Because Gwynnie wants someone she can control nurture.

Gwyneth Paltrow, everyone's least favorite WASP and PEOPLE's Best Dressed Woman in the World, never fails to live up to her global (read: snooty) reputation. This time around, she's revealed that her children Apple, 8, and Moses, 6, are only allowed to watch television in languages other than English. Because she's a better mother than you.

PEOPLE has issued its 2012 Best Dressed list, christening actress, Chris Martin's baby mama and Goop curator Gwyneth Paltrow the World's Best Dressed Woman. In the world? The whole world? Really, PEOPLE?

Gwyneth Paltrow is one actress we wouldn't want to call "mom." Not only would she have named us after fruits and Biblical characters without much sense of direction, she'd also expose us to germs on purpose. Didn't 'Contagion' teach her anything?