As we near the anniversary of both Kim Kardashian’s split from short-time husband Kris Humphries and the start of Katy Perry’s rather brief marriage to Russell Brand, we can't help but ponder the shelf-life of Hollywood wedded bliss. We feel a special pang of envy for those who can love so much so quickly -- and then we think, "Better them than us."
So here's a toast to the 15 shortest marriages in celebrity history. Do you know who holds the record? (Hint: 72 days doesn’t even come close.)
Katy Perry + Russell Brand
These two star-crossed lovers met when Perry shot a cameo role for ‘Get Him to the Greek’ that ended up on the cutting room floor (that's what writers call "foreshadowing"). Sparks flew after they ran into each other again at the 2009 VMAs, and the pair married in October of 2010 -- only to split just over a year later. But as you can see by their placement at the top of this list, they took "til death do us part" a bit more seriously than a lot of other couples.
Jennifer Lopez + Cris Judd
The catlike romantic nine lives of Jennifer Lopez get as much media attention as her actual artistic work -- maybe more -- so it’s no surprise she’s on our list. JLo met dancer and choreographer Cris Judd when he appeared in the video for her 2000 hit, 'Love Don't Cost a Thing,' and they married in September of 2001. After spending a lot of time having their picture taken together, they divorced in June of the following year.
R. Kelly + Aaliyah
The late Aaliyah met bad-boy R&B star and producer R. Kelly in 1994 when he collaborated on a project with the then up-and-coming singer. They tied the knot a short time later, but after five months of wedded bliss, it came to light that Aaliyah was just 15 years old -- and thus not legally eligible for marriage. Her parents had the union annulled, but R. Kelly's preference for flesh of the younger variety continued (a proclivity that's landed him in more than one courtroom over the years).
Pamela Anderson + Kid Rock
If there's anything that's better known than Pamela Anderson’s rack, it's her penchant for hard-rocking party boys and whirlwind romances. She's had a long on-and-off relationship with her first husband, Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, and during one of their "off" periods in 2006 she wed Kid Rock -- but they split five months later. Then she tied her own record in 2007 with another five-month union, this time with Rick Salomon (better known as the guy boring Paris Hilton to distraction in the sex tape '1 Night in Paris').
Renee Zellweger + Kenny Chesney
These two squinty-faced lovebirds really showed us all how this romance thing should work: They met at a benefit in January of 2005, wed in May of 2005, and filed for an annulment in September of 2005. Zellweger’s legal paperwork shows she checked the box next to “fraud” as the reason for ending the marriage, which fueled the longtime rumors that country star Chesney just might be gay. Renee dispelled that notion and said it was simply a legal term, but she's been single ever since -- quite possibly because skittish men are afraid of having their manhood called into question if things don't work out.
Nicholas Cage + Lisa Marie Presley
Lisa Marie Presley met Nicholas Cage at a friend’s birthday party in 1999 (three years after her divorce from Michael Jackson). They carried on an intermittent romance for several years and wed in the summer of 2002, but only 108 days later, Cage filed for divorce. Ironically, the dissolution of the union wasn't finalized until the spring of 2004 -- meaning the divorce lasted five times longer than the marriage.
Kim Kardashian + Kris Humphries
Perennial famewhore Kim Kardashian began dating nearly 7-foot-tall basketball pro Kris Humphries in 2010. Because they loved each other -- and not because she had a television show and brand franchise to keep in the spotlight -- the two wed in a 2011 TV extravaganza. But after an arduous 72 days of marriage, Kardashian pulled the plug, and the former couple is still in court hashing out the details of the split. She wants a divorce, and he wants an annulment -- mainly because that would negate the terms of the pre-nup (one of which is that he's not allowed to dish the dirty details of their relationship in the event of an actual divorce).
Drew Barrymore + Jeremy Thomas
Surprisingly, Drew Barrymore’s infamous five-month union to comedian Tom Green wasn’t the short one -- in 1994, when she was only 19, the former child star had two romantic months of wedded bliss with a British bartender and Los Angeles bar owner named Jeremy Thomas. But maybe the third time's the charm -- Drew swapped vows with art consultant Will Kopelman in June of 2012, and the two welcomed their first child together four months later.
Chris Kattan + Sunshine Tutt
‘Saturday Night Live’ regular Chris Kattan walked down the aisle with model Sunshine Tutt in June of 2008 -- and beat a hasty retreat in August of the same year. We’re guessing neither one of them wanted to write thank-you notes for the 250 gifts they received, so they figured it'd be easier to just send the crystal gravy boats and fondue pots back.
Axl Rose + Erin Everly
She may have been the inspiration for ‘Sweet Child o’ Mine,’ but Axl certainly didn’t like being married to her. The daughter of one of the famous singing Everly Brothers, model Erin began a relationship with Rose in 1986, and after a tumultuous four years, they got hitched in Vegas in April of 1990. Rose filed for divorce less than a month later, even though Everly claims he talked her into getting married by threatening to kill himself if she refused.
Eddie Murphy + Tracey Edmonds
It takes Eddie Murphy longer to get into make-up for one of his movies than it took for him to tire of being married to producer Tracey Edmonds. The couple exchanged vows in a “symbolic union” during a January 2008 trip to Bora Bora, but upon returning home two weeks later, decided against an actual legal union because they didn't feel it was “necessary to define [their] relationship further.” Or, you know, stay married.
Carmen Electra + Dennis Rodman
For nine terrible days in 1998, every straight man in America had his hopes and dreams dashed while Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman celebrated life as a married couple. But then the clouds parted -- the two changed their minds once their hangovers wore off just over a week later. This Vegas-born marriage happened so fast that, as the rule suggests, it almost stayed there.
Dennis Hopper + Michelle Phillips
This old-school Hollywood match-up is one for the kids to look up to. The late actor married one of the mamas from the Mamas and the Papas on Halloween in 1970, but before they could even sit down to their first Thanksgiving dinner as a married couple, the pair went their separate ways. Phillips has reportedly said those eight days were the happiest of her life, but legend has it that Hopper was doing a lot of drugs at the time -- so maybe she just had a brief contact high.
Britney Spears + Jason Alexander
In 2004, at the very early, almost imperceptible beginning of Britney Spears’ downward spiral, she ran off to Vegas and married Jason Alexander (a childhood friend from back home in Louisiana, not the same-named guy who starred on 'Seinfeld' -- but that would've been awesome). Their wedding took place in the wee hours at a 24-hour chapel with a drive-thru, and the bride wore the finest ripped jeans, midriff-baring top and ballcap that money could buy. Three days and several hysterical freak-outs from her record company later, the union was quickly dissolved with an annulment.
Zsa Zsa Gabor + Felipe De Alba
And we have a winner. Forever the queen of Hollywood, Zsa Zsa Gabor has a legacy of showing starlets how it’s done -- and her romantic life is no exception. Of her nine marriages, seven ended in divorce and one was annulled, and it's that annulment that gave us Hollywood's shortest union.
She married Mexican attorney and character actor Felipe De Alba in 1983, most likely because she thought it would be funny to hear people say Zsa Zsa De Alba. But less than a day later, their marriage was declared invalid since her previous marriage had not been properly dissolved.
Having learned her lesson, from then on Zsa Zsa vowed to have her marriages dissolved the 007 way: shaken, not stirred.