Twitter

According to the world wide web today is September 4, Hump Day, Macadamia Nut Day and the start of the Jewish New Year. So get ready to party like it's 5774! Anyone not celebrating those things is either talking to themselves, talking about their sex tapes or talking about the 'Dancing With the Stars' lineup. All valid talking points.

Happy Tuesday! Today (Sept. 3), kids went off/back to school, some famous people went off the market, the 'American Idol' lineup was confirmed, James Franco was roasted and swimmer Diana Nyad was the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. Basically, history was made.

'Tis the first Monday in September (Sept. 2), which according to our calendar makes it Labor Day -- which means that kids have to go back to school and everyone else is banned from wearing white for an undetermined amount of time starting tomorrow.

It's Friday, August 30, and Labor Day weekend is fast approaching. In response, plans were made to cross-dress, eat like a champion and melt some faces among other things. Basically, the weekend is pretty much here, and thus Twitter was filled with much rejoicing.

Today (Aug. 29) on Twitter, celebrities spent the entire time talking about, well, each other. Whether they were gushing about a fellow star's awesomeness or making jokes with or about them, Twitter was full of celebrity interactions -- and sadly not enough Throwback Thursday pictures.

Today (Aug. 28) was the 50th anniversary of activist Martin Luther King's famed "I Have a Dream" speech. And some of the celebrities in the Twitterverse certainly took notice, while others were too distracted because their children had spontaneously combusted.

Twitter is the celebrity oracle, allowing them to spout endless missives in 140-character lines. Some famous folk use it for good -- shameless self promotion, charity endeavors -- and others go on bizarre rants. Either way, a lot of celebs end up regretting some of their posts (or in some cases, all of them) and pulling the plug on the social media outlet entirely. But they almost always return. R

Much like yesterday, today Twitter would not stop talking about Miley Cyrus, but that's OK -- because at least Twitter was having an open discourse, albeit one that involved a lot of yelling. Tomorrow will probably be better. We hope.

Today's (Aug. 26) hot button Twitter topic is about one thing and one thing only, last night's Video Music Awards on MTV -- in which Miley Cyrus twerked onstage and twerked on Robin Thicke, and everyone was begging Billy Ray Cyrus for some help. Something tells us it won't do any good.

Today (Aug. 23) on Twitter, Kim Kardashian and Co. showed off the new addition of their family, North West, but everyone was too busy living their lives and discussing the Batman casting to care. You win this round, Royal Baby.

Last night, Warner Bros. confirmed that Ben Affleck would be playing Batman in the upcoming 'Man of Steel' sequel, and it seems like the Internet lost it.

Two hot topics on Twitter today (Aug. 22): how much everyone seems to love the apocalyptic comedy 'At World's End' and the coming out of Wentworth Miller. But more importantly, Nathan Fillion covered himself in kittens! Day made.

Newly engaged and newly pregnant actress Jennifer Love Hewitt showed off her burgeoning baby bump on the red carpet of the Pampers Love, Sleep & Play campaign -- and revealed a new haircut to boot.

Today is Aug. 21, and it's also hump day. The stars weren't so much interested in hump day, but they were talking about political topics, celebrity birthdays and announcements about their various careers. Maybe next Wednesday, Twitter.

Today (Aug. 20) in the Twitterverse, we got trolled by celebs who refuse to use calendars, looked at some cute puppies and even cuter engagement photos, and honored the memory of legendary screenwriter Elmore Leonard, who died today.

It's Monday, Aug. 19, and also World Humanitarian Day -- so be kind to your fellow men and women, won't you? For once, it's what the celebs seemed to do around the globe.

It all started innocently enough, with a Lady Gaga fan getting super excited that celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton was spotted in the lobby of Gaga's apartment building. Until Lady Gaga took this news and freaked out, calling security and then raging against Hilton on Twitter in all caps, going so far to accuse him of stalking her.

It's Friday, Friday and we used up all our Rebecca Black jokes already. Today (Aug. 16) in the celebrity Twitter-sphere, stars threw shade at one another, made us laugh at their witticisms and quoted 'Mean Girls.' All in all, not a bad start to the weekend.

Today, Aug. 15, some celebrities shared photos of themselves on Twitter hanging out with their reality show friends, and some won Throwback Thursday with actual pictures of throwback items. Still others had us thinking existential thoughts.

It's Wednesday, Aug. 14, so of course Twitter is abuzz with plenty of Hump Day jokes and even one Bump Day joke. Sadly, none of them were from Fergie.