Tom Cruise's eyebrows are eating his eyes. In fact, we're pretty sure those eyebrows are running the whole show and pulling all the strings on that face.

Did someone try to make a wish and throw a coin in his face? Those ripples are intense. There's something off about the skin color, too.

It's alcoholic Tom Cruise on a 12-hour bender and he wants to tell you about this amazing new religion that's going to change everything. Or try to sell you a juicer on a late-night infomercial.