Hey, remember when Leonardo DiCaprio would show up on 'Growing Pains'? Remember how there was a character named "Boner"?

That's fun to talk about -- you know, so we can ignore this whole situation happening over here but also because the word "Boner" is awesome.

Leonardo DiCaprio, your eyes are so tiny! How will you find Martin Scorsese to make sure he keeps you working?! Leonardo DiCaprio, why are you wearing Hugh Hefner's pajamas?! We know you bang a lot of models but dude, there can be only one.

Leonardo DiCaprio, can you hear us? Leonardo DiCaprio, are you okay?