Twitter Wrings Humor Out of Whatever That Was the NRA Said Today
After NRA vice-president Wayne LaPierre stood up in front of a bunch of news cameras on Friday and spewed the crap for which the organization is so well known, the Twittersphere lit up with 140-character opinions — many of them funny — about the whole thing.
Because sometimes if you don’t laugh, you’ll just break down in hysterical sobs of disbelief. And no one wants puffy eyes for holiday parties.
Here’s a sampling of what we found.
BREAKING: Following NRA’s path, alcohol industry now blaming drunk driving on “too much Mario Kart”
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 21, 2012
How about attaching a second gun to the gun you already have? And then a knife onto the second gun, with a gun on that knife? #iamsmart
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 21, 2012
No thanks, NRA. I know the dads at my kids’ school and I don’t want them armed.
— Steve Levitan (@SteveLevitan) December 21, 2012
So, the @nra solution is to take all the state money allotted for education and build turrets at every school?
— marc maron (@marcmaron) December 21, 2012
Maybe we could just buy Santa’s naughty/nice database to see who can have guns.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 21, 2012
Shorter NRA: we need an armed guard at every school to reassure America’s parents that Wayne LaPierre’s penis is large and in charge.
— Danielle Blake (@DCPlod) December 21, 2012
Hi, I’m an NRA member who thinks we should train and arm all teachers.Oh, and I also believe in smaller government.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 21, 2012
NRA:If we banned schools there would never be another school shooting.
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers21) December 21, 2012
The only way this NRA press conference would make any sense is if someone shouted, “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 21, 2012
Chickens don’t lay eggs. People with chickens lay eggs. #NRA
— Joel Ingersoll (@FlyoverJoel) December 21, 2012
The @nra needs mental health care.
— Kristen Bell(@IMKristenBell) December 21, 2012
I think the NRA press conference is what the Mayans had in mind when they said the world would come to an end today
— Mark Cuban (@mcuban) December 21, 2012
NRA guy forgot to blame romantic comedies for all the love-crazed people running through our airports.
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) December 21, 2012
Mayan Word For ‘Apocalypse’ Actually Translates More Accurately As ‘Time Of Pale Obese Gun Monsters’ onion.com/Ys2cRS
— The Onion (@TheOnion) December 21, 2012
No disrespect, NRA, but armed guards at schools won’t stop the violence, because it’s only a matter of time until the bad guys get tanks.
— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 21, 2012
Actual @nra quote from today’s press conference: “This is the beginning of a serious conversation. We won’t be taking any questions.”
— Anonymous (@YourAnonNews) December 21, 2012
Rub some dirt on it. — my cousin when I skinned my knee and the NRA
— lafix (@lafix) December 21, 2012
Breaking: NRA offers to send Liam Neeson to your school.
— The Fake CNN (@TheFakeCNN) December 21, 2012