In the worst 'Punkd'-related prank in history, Scientology matchmakers for Tom Cruise allegedly held auditions for a fake part in a 'Mission Impossible' movie in order to find his third wife (a role later played by Katie Holmes).

According to the book 'Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief' (in which Cruise also supposedly expressed a desire to become president), author Lawrence Wright alleges that the "church" organized a series of fake auditions to procure Cruise a new lady friend after his 2004 split with Penelope Cruz.

The actresses who unwittingly showed up to audition for a part in the fake 'Mission Impossible' franchise position included Scarlett Johansson, Kate Bosworth, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Holmes.

While in Madrid, the book claims, “Cruise heatedly complained to his sister that no one had been able to find him a new girlfriend.”

He also supposedly whined to the head of the church, David Miscavige, who immediately set about finding Cruise a new church-accepted lady love, instructing members to locate the best looking female church-goers and set up the rouse.

In addition to the celebrity women, the book also alleges that Cruise was set up with 25-year-old Nazanian Boniadi. Boniadi was in a relationship at the time, but the church gave her evidence that her boyfriend was cheating on her and she ended up on a date with Cruise that very day. Afterward, she was asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

“Davis warned her that if she did anything to upset Cruise, he would personally destroy her,” according to the book. “Davis and (Scientology official) Jessica Feshback were constantly tutoring her in how to behave toward the star.”

When the relationship didn't work out, Feshback ordered Boniadi to leave Cruise's home. Later, when she confessed her love of Cruise to another member, she was supposedly forced to scrub the public toilets with a tooth brush.

Wait, is this the church of Scientology or an after-school special about reform school?

Lawyers for the church have of course denied everything ever, whether it has to do with Cruise or not.