Jessica Simpson, who hasn't spoken to her ex-husband Nick Lachey in six years, is reportedly furious that Lachey went on Bravo's 'Watch What Happens Live' and told anyone with cable that Joe Simpson used to grab his ass at family functions.
See, it's funny because it totally might be true.
Former 'Newlyweds' hubby Nick Lachey is really pleased he's rid of Jessica Simpson, mostly because he doesn't have to deal with her father Joe trying to grab a piece of him all the time anymore.
After a tumultuous coming out party that he's vehemently denied, Joe Simpson has officially finalized his divorce from wife Tina.
It was the next best thing since that alleged murder/suicide plan didn't really work out.
After it was revealed that Jessica Simpson's father Joe may or may not have had an affair with a dude, his wife Tina was understandably upset.
So upset, in fact, that she planned a murder-suicide.
How's your day going?
It's not easy to be Jessica Simpson: Sure, she's wealthy and gorgeous, but she has an underemployed groom-to-be, a Weight Watchers contract that's not going to work out so well and no real grasp of how the reproductive system works.
Now she also has a dad who's really hungry for her cash, to the point of potentially depriving it from her fiance and baby.
Even though Joe Simpson and wife Tina filed for divorce not too long ago amid rumors Papa Joe had switched alliances and was now playing for Team Twink, he says all that scuttlebutt simply isn't true.
Amid scandalous rumors that he left his wife because she doesn't have a penis, Joe Simpson -- father of Jessica -- recently canceled his regularly-scheduled golf date with an unidentified virile young male and instead played with a schlumpy age-appropriate friend.
A change in golf partners notwithstanding, Simpson's newly-dyed blond coif is not helping those "gayest gay in the history of gay" whispers.
Joe Simpson, the former Baptist minister and breast-loving father of Jessica, is allegedly gay, which would certainly explain his September split from wife Tina. What's more, he's now moved onto greener and manlier pastures with a 20-something plaything.
Again, allegedly.
