Chris Brown

When Chris Brown and Rihanna's 8,732nd split was announced earlier today, the Internets went wild looking for anyone at which to point its collective troll finger. Apparently one of those fingers landed on a self-proclaimed actress and model (read: waitress) named Keisha Kimball, who was spotted holding hands with Brown. But it's not what it looks like!

Will they? Won't they? Wellll ... not right now. Sources are saying music power couple Rihanna and Chris Brown have broken off whatever they had. Again.

Since Chris Brown apparently can't afford to pay valets, he needs you to buy his upcoming album. And the latest stop in his Public Contrition Tour took him to the 'Today' show, where he apologized for beating up on-again-off-again lover Rihanna. And he made that apology ... on April Fools Day. So that seems legit.

Late last week, reports of a Chris Brown-Rihanna split emerged after a radio station tweeted that Brown said they weren't together. Turns out that tweet was really, really old -- and they're still very much in love with one another (and with making the rest of us queasy).

Chris Brown has had a pretty eventful week. When he wasn't threatening parking valets or punting bodyguards off his private jet, he was doling out sterling relationship advice. In short, if you're Breezy's woman, you belong to him. Every part of you. Including (and especially) your lady bits.

Maybe this is why Chris Brown lost his ish with that parking valet last night -- seems earlier yesterday, he had such harsh words with a longtime bodyguard that the dude wasn't even allowed to board a flight home with notoriously hot-tempered R&B star.

Chris Brown and parking lots just don't mix. Or rather, Chris Brown and mundane social situations do not a good time make. This time around, Brown flipped out on a valet who was just doing his job by asking for a small parking fee.

Remember how Chris Brown beat Rihanna beyond recognition back in 2009 before the Grammys? It's okay if you forgot -- apparently she and her dad did too. In any case, Brown is like, totes sorry for that. Maybe.

Next week, 'Law & Order: SVU' will air an episode inspired by Rihanna and Chris Brown's domestic abuse case, in which Brown assaulted Rihanna before the 2009 Grammys.

Rihanna celebrated turning 25 going on 16 with Chris Brown because cake cake cake cake cake cake cake.

Perhaps not realizing that his own drug and domestic abuse issues set the tone for his daughter's relationships, Rihanna's father, Ronald Fenty, is totes cool with her getting back together with Chris Brown. You know, the same dude who beat her beyond recognition in 2009. No, really, it's fine -- he has really good manners, so that makes it okay.

Chris Brown and Rihanna were the very picture of a couple in love at the Grammys on Sunday, yet totally ignored each other at a Hollywood club later in the week. Kids. Whaddaya gonna do.

Chris Brown is a notorious hot head, but he managed to keep his cool when an insanely angry drunk guy verbally attacked him with racial slurs. Baby steps!

Drake and Chris Brown have finally gotten around to suing each other over a fight they had at a New York City nightclub back in June of last year. You know, the one in which they threw bottles of alcohol at each other over a girl like grownups do. One would think Brown would want to hold off on all this considering his other legal troubles, but no one ever accused him of being smart.

A picture may be worth a thousand words -- but oftentimes they're the wrong ones, and man do we hate it when that happens. The photo above began circulating after the 2013 Grammy awards along with a story that alleged Adele gave Chris Brown a stern talking to for not standing when his rival Frank Ocean beat him out for an award. But alas, the British chanteuse says that story is false. Which gave

Add “life ruiner” to Chris Brown's list of sins. The police chief who approved his community service hours (the same ones the L.A. District Attorney says are falsified) has resigned.

Adele was not taking any of Chris Brown's rudeness at the 2013 Grammys. After Brown refused to stand like everyone else when Frank Ocean nabbed Best Urban Contemporary Album, the British chanteuse allegedly gave Brown a piece of her mind. We don't know if this story is true and we don't care. We love it. (Please let it be true.)

Though their friendship was one for the vocally overprocessed, musically overproduced and visually overdone ages, Katy Perry and Rihanna are dunzo. And guess who's behind it?

We are never allowed to forget that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together. Because they will perpetually remind us whether it's not our business or not. It's why Instagram was invented after all. Just four years after Brown beat RiRi's face to an unrecognizable pulp on the eve of the 2009 Grammys, the couple was spotted canoodling at this year's awards, with Brown throwing on his best "de

Because she's such a badass and a rockstar and a rebel (just like Miley Cyrus), Rihanna will not only give her overused middle finger to the 2013 Grammys dress code, but also hit up the ceremony with Chris Brown.