YOU: You stayed a virgin until you were 40 and then got all crazy and stupid about love. You manage to make everyone in your office love you and hate you at the same time, while still getting some decent tail. I hope I can make you shout “Kelly Clarkson!”

ME: I was once kicked out of my house by my drunk, 2-year-old landlady, but after living with my mom and dorkwad of a step-brother, I’m back on my feet. I’ve left my sketchy days behind me and can totally handle full length.

I say we meet up and do the evening news, right before I replace you as the boss in an office. It’ll be funny or we’ll die.