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Today in Lindsay Lohan: She Claims She Never Hit Anyone + Another Famewhore Hires Gloria Allred

Lindsay Lohan
Vera Anderson, Getty Images

Yeah, it’s Saturday, and normally celebrity news is super slow on Saturdays. But the one-woman maelstrom known as Lindsay Lohan never takes a day off.

If you’ve been Amish this week, you may have missed her latest arrest for using some woman’s head as target practice for her fists and the alleged reasons why it happened. Also, insiders say she soaks in booze, and California prosecutors formally charged her with being an idiot.

So here’s what’s new.

To start, Dina and Micheal Lohan have been trading potshots about which one of them is the crappier parent.

First, during an interview he was no doubt paid to give, Michael accused Dina of being selfish, and in our editorial comments, we mentioned that we wouldn’t be surprised if Michael somehow orchestrates LiLo’s arrests to keep his tabloid income stream strong.

Dina must have had the same thought, because she gave an interview of her own in which she said she’s “disturbed.” We could really just leave it at that and it would be true, but we’ll provide the full context anyway.

Mama Lohan is casting a side-eye on the fact that Lindsay’s sparring partner in that bar fight, inept “psychic” Tiffany Eve Mitchell, lives a rock’s throw away from Michael’s home in Palm Beach, Fla. Because of that, Dina is calling shenanigans, adding, “What else is there to learn about the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident?”

Normally we’d tell her to loosen her tinfoil hat, but this IS Michael Lohan we’re talking about here. Anything’s possible.

And speaking of Tiffany Mitchell, she wasted no time getting a lawyer after the fight. Not just any lawyer, either — she hired Gloria Allred, whose habit of representing whores (both actual and fame) is well known.

Tiffany must have serious connections to get Allred’s number so fast. Or maybe there’s some weird Batsignal-like thing that goes up in the sky whenever nobodies have a brush with fame that could result in a cash payout, and then Gloria contacts those people herself.

Regardless, Linds is telling friends the fight never even happened. She says that despite the stories swirling around, the incident didn’t involve a man — it involved the fact that Mitchell or her friends stole Lilo’s very expensive purse with 10 grand inside.

Honestly, we do believe LiLo is often a target for such things (after following the legal case, we’re still not convinced she actually stole that jewelry she’s accused of pilfering) — but she makes herself a target. Partying in bars ’til the wee hours puts her squarely in the bull’s eye.

And yes, she should be allowed to go where she wants and do what she wants. But you almost never read tabloid stories involving some celebrity punching out a famewhoring psychic while quietly hanging out at home.

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