It's turning into a real beyotch-fest between Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes, as both "actresses" are apparently pissed that their trainwrecky lives have caused outsiders to compare them to one another.

Ladies, we're happy to referee and settle this nonsense: You're both a mess.

We all know of LiLo's habit of borrowing things without permission and passing out in cars, but Bynes has made a name for herself recently as the media's favorite vehicularly-challenged darling -- so of course comparisons were inevitable.

Lindsay didn't help matters any when she publicly played a pity card she doesn't have and tweeted:

Bynes, with hilarious outrage, then reportedly texted a friend that she "hates" being compared to Lohan because she herself has "never been arrested for drugs or chasing someone" the way Linds has.

What is this, a race to the bottom?

Yo, Lindsay. You're a convicted thief who violates your probation the way we'd like to violate Johnny Depp. You're lucky you don't spend your Saturday nights being traded for packs of cigarettes.

And Mandy? You treat the streets of LA like a demolition derby and were just caught on camera smoking something that almost surely doesn't have FDA approval. We'd go easy on the holier-than-thou routine.

You're welcome. Both of you.