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Kristen Stewart Waxes Poetic About Robert Pattinson’s Affection for Armpit Licking

British Vogue

Ever since Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart‘s relationship imploded in a sea of cheating and tears and ice cream with Jon Stewart, reporters who interviewed KStew shortly before she was caught sucking face with a married director have been scouring their notes for possible foreshadowing of the trouble to come.

Now British Vogue has uncovered evidence — not of the breakup itself, but of Pattinson’s past life as a creepy armpit-licking bloodhound.

“‘My God, I’m so in love with my boyfriend. I wish he was here now,” Stewart told Vogue writer Christa d’Souza in previously unpublished comments. “I think I want to have his babies. God, I miss him.”

Sounds like your standard girl-in-love schlock. But then? She veers into Things That Are Really Best Left Unsaid.

“I love the way he smells. And him me. Like, he loves to lick under my armpits.”

Wait. What?

“I don’t get this obsession with washing the smell off,” she continued. “That smell of someone you love. Don’t you think it’s the whole point?”

This probably explains why Stewart’s been seen wearing Pattinson’s T-shirts since they split. But now we can’t help but imagine she’s put the laundry hamper under lock and key and surrounded it with an electric fence and maybe some police tape.

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