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Justin Bieber Thinks He’s a Rapper Now, Riffs How Girls Love Sucking His ‘Lolly’ [AUDIO]

A song where the main theme is a thinly-disguised sex act? Shocking. But Justin Bieber recently cemented his desperation to move beyond his tween image by donning his best trucker cap and diaper pants and joining forces with Maejor Ali and Juicy J on the song ‘Lolly,’ which is about a girl licking a lollipop. Except it’s totally not.

And not since the Who‘s ‘Squeeze Box,’ Prince‘s ‘Darling Nikki’ and Rihanna‘s ‘Birthday Cake’ and almost every song ever written have we clutched our invisible pearls quite this hard.

Rather than just, you know, shutting up and going away for a while like Justin Timberlake did when he made the successful switch from bubblegum icon to adult singer, the Biebs has been trying to force the issue by smoking weed on multiple occasions and leering at lingerie models.

Oh, and now he’s singing odes to blowies. Way to be, kid.

Just in case you think we just have dirty minds, take a gander at the song’s hook: “She say she love my lolly / She wanna make it pop / She say she love my lolly / She wanna kiss the top.”

Subtle song is subtle.

Bieber makes his rapping debut in the single, singing, “Throwing up a G note, like I’m at a casino / I’m all fancy, yeah I’m popping Pellegrino / I’m in the El Camino when I pull up on the scene though … Let’s just admit that I’m the bestest.”

The track ends with Juicy J suggesting they get together and “run a train” on the girl they brought home from the club after giving her MDMA. Classy!

There has yet to be an emoticon invented that expresses our feelings about this whole thing, so we’ll just let Julie Andrews handle it.

julie-andrews-WTF

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