Contact Us

Justin Bieber Being Sued by Selena Gomez’s Fake Father in Best Lawsuit Ever

Justin Bieber
Adam Bettcher, Getty Images

In today’s crazy lawsuit news, tween heartthrob Justin Bieber is being sued for borrowing the money for a penis enlargement, allowing another person to be sodomized by Usher, and impregnating Selena Gomez.

Oh, and also giving her an STD. On a bearskin rug.

Possibly simultaneously.

These allegations and more were filed by a Michigan man claiming to be Gomez’s dad. And while they’d make a stunning piece of fanfic, they’re as hard to believe as they are ridiculous.

Selena’s faux father says Bieber stole his AMEX card and used it for the aforementioned penis enlargement before generously buying cocaine for Justin and Diddy “to use in drug free school zones.”

The suit goes on:

“Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug.”

Ah HA, smoking gun! We all know Justin is Canadian. So this must be true.

But wait, there’s more.

“Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums.”

Playing ‘Firework’ while doing naughty things with a firework? Bonus points for consistency. We’re kind of starting to like this dude.

The lawsuit papers finally end with the commentary, “I’m an emotional mess … America must boycott biebers music!”

Wait. Maybe he’s not so crazy after all.

Best of the Web

More From Around the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your points and personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account with your Facebook account, just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing profile and VIP program points. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://starcrush.com using your Facebook account.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

Register on StarCrush quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!

Not a Member? Sign Up Here.

Sign up for an account to comment, share your thoughts, and earn points to get great prizes.

Register on StarCrush quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!