Jennifer Aniston Births a Wicked Wit in Smartwater Promo

For all the land that has been deforested by the glossy weekly tabloids that cover (and manufacture) every aspect of her existence, it's ironic that actress Jennifer Aniston is pretty private about her personal life, even refusing to comment much when she famously split from Brad Pitt.

And while her silence probably keeps her sane, it's meant her wicked sense of humor has stayed under wraps, too. But thanks to this new promo from Smartwater, all that could change.

In the faux news report delivered by overly-tanned media robot Ryan Seacrest, we learn Aniston's home security tapes were leaked to the press. We see a cameo from Jimmy Kimmel as her full-grown son, and he's charged with looking after her other child -- who is, of course, an alien.

But the true moment that makes our blackened hearts glow with love and warmth for Jen? When she rips off a belly band to reveal a massive baby bump, bursting with triplets, proving she simply won't be upstaged by the messianic 2008 birth of Pitt's twins with Angelina Jolie.

Runner-up: When her luxurious mane -- the third most popular Aniston talking point after the Jolie "rivalry" and the pregnancy rumors -- is proven to be a wig concealing tight, hideous curls.

"Smartwater," the tagline reads. "Even more refreshing than the truth."

So now we know. Jen may not be talking to the press, but she's clearly paying attention to it.