Last night's finale of the eighth season of 'Germany's Next Top Model' was not your typical affair, unless host and executive producer Heidi Klum is used to making out with robots and being flashed by topless protesters with words scrawled on their torsos.
Since we don't speak German, we just pieced the show together for you with photographic evidence and contextual clues.
First, Heidi and her fellow judges (old Jack Black and that guy from 'District 9') were brought in by helicopter to kick-off the indoor festivities.
As is customary in German tradition, the show was opened with the widely practiced "Kissing of the Robot While in Designer Stilts" portion of the program.
The competition was broken up into three parts, the first clearly being "Furniture Seduction."
Once completed, the contestants were tasked with conjuring fire -- using only their minds.
The final and most difficult challenge of the night was being forced to re-enact 'Real Steel,' scene for scene.
Before one of the girls could be "gekrönt" the winner, some members of FEMA showed up to ask Heidi to rate their boobies.
The chick in the back is clearly pissed. You just know she's thinking, "Hey! No one said there was a topless portion of the competition!"
The protesters were then dragged off by security guards, who were probably kind of loving their chosen vocations at that moment.
Given the confetti shower, we're assuming this chick won. Either that or she just got her party's nomination for president.