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Don’s Johnson Isn’t So Big After All

Don Johnson
Kevin Winter, Getty Images

Apparently at some point in time, Don Johnson was widely known to be bigger in the pants than he is in the box office. Just in case you were thinking of using him for his body, though, he wants to clarify: The ‘Miami Vice’ star is not shaped like the panhandle.

Don Johnson’s Johnson isn’t that impressive.

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone (via Page Six), Johnson clarified, “Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me.”

Wait, so their Johnsons were bigger than Don Johnson? We think he meant “bigger than mine,” in that their Johnsons were bigger than his Johnson.

Writing that just gave us a stroke.

In any case, he continued, “One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale … and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson,” he gushed.

“I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’”

Turns out that the only heat Don Johnson was packing was his on-set glock. Watch where you point that thing, bro.

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