Dumb Celebrity Quotes

Hi, I'll take one double-tall cappuccino with non-fat rat milk please. This former model/famous ex-wife once commented, "There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don't we try drinking rats' milk and dogs' milk?"

Wait, so a celebrity actually knows what the word "synonym" means? This musician once whined, "It's semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douchebag."

Writing postcards is so hard! First you have to find a pen, then you have to figure out how to write with it, and ZOMG THE STAMP. This former mermaid/actress admitted, "I can't even write a postcard."

As that old saying goes, clothing adds 10 pounds. Or is it the camera? We're easily confused -- and so is this actress, who once said, "I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked."

This singer/actor is so sensitive, he even feels bad for shunned celestial bodies. About Pluto, he said, "I think it should remain a planet. Once you've given something planetary status it's kind of mean to take it away."

There are a lot of weird fetishes out there -- we just never considered one of them would include bunnies of the non-Playboy variety. This actor once told 'Inside the Actor's Studio' host James Lipton, "Sometimes rabbits, like, turn me on."

Figuring out how phones work is hard. This singer/reality-show participator/famous daughter recalls, "One day, I slammed the phone book down in front of them and said, 'Okay, I don't know to call these people, but I'm ready.'"

Some people should never go on 'The Dating Game.' This actor once shared, "I like being kept in the dark... Like mushrooms: Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em sh-... I think that's an enjoyable vegetable to be."

Everyone knows the way your nipples face matters. This talk show host/celeb wife and mama once said, "I don't want my nipples looking for coins on the street."

Wanting to exact revenge on someone who hurt your family is normal -- cannibalism is not. This actor claims, "If someone were to harm my family... Or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them."

Add this to the list of things our minds can never unsee. This troubled '80s pop star once opined, "Sleeping with George Michael would be like having sex with a groundhog."

God put this rapper on the planet to do his heavenly work, but sadly he can never enjoy it himself. He admitted, "I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

Ways to prevent an intergalactic war: Don't take any advice from this British singer, who said, "If I saw an alien, I'd tell it to f— right off because whatever planet he came from they wouldn't have the Beatles or any decent f—ing music."

Humans are pretty much just domesticated dogs and cats, except we wear clothes and walk on two legs. This actress once commented, "I love to take care of people, so I think I'd be a good vet."

There are few things on this planet better than gravy, one of which is apparently winning an Oscar. This nominated actor said, "Getting the nomination is like gravy. Winning would be like whatever is better than gravy."

This fashionista doesn't want you to mistake her for a horse, which seems unlikely because horses occasionally smile. She once said, "My autobiography is straight from the horse's mouth. Not that I'm saying I'm a horse."

How does one prepare for a day of gazing into crystal balls? This flower child says, "Every morning I stay in bed for ten minutes to ponder my place in the universe. Then I wash my face and check my karma."

It's so rough having to hear that you're good at things. This actress once humble-bragged, "I hate receiving compliments; I hate being told I'm talented or people think I'm going to be a movie star."

Definitions are for kindergarten. This performer and reality show star once claimed, " don't believe there's any difference between a monogamous and polygamous relationship. Those are all just big words, like gymnasium."

This oft-arrested actress never considered higher learning because, as she said, "People go to college to find who they are as a person... I kind of already know that so it would be like I'd be taking a step back or something."