Dumb Celebrity Quotes

Apparently "success" and "wastefulness" are synonyms to this singer, who once said, "Success to me is having ten honeydew melons and eating only the top half of each slice."

The term head-banger just reached a whole new level. Said this wild-haired singer, "I can't towel-dry my hair, because it'll tangle. So I put a towel on the bed and smack my head on the bed."

Legitimate actress or porn star? You be the judge. She once said of her craft, "I get dressed up like a doll, a nice man puts lipstick on my lips and I say words - it's deeply satisfying."

This Oscar-winning actor might as well have invented the hashtag #firstworldproblems. Especially with this tale of woe: "I had homosexual goats. It's best when you have goats that are that gay to just let them be free."

They say a good teacher can change your life, and this actress agrees, saying, "I know two girls in my life who are good friends, who were not pooing, but now they're pooing 'cause I helped them. I taught them how to poo."

Ladies and gentleman, remember this former VP of the United States? He once puzzled, "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

Swords don't kill people ... at least, not accidentally. This nerdy child actor once postulated, "I think there were a lot fewer random deaths with swords. I could be wrong. I have no idea."

Once upon a time, this actress walked with dinosaurs. Real dinosaurs. Way back when, she said, "You can hardly tell where the computer models finish and the real dinosaurs begin."

One of these people is not like the other. This actor was quoted as saying, "I think that people like the Howard Sterns, the Bill O'Reillys and to a lesser degree the Bin Ladens of the world are making a horrible contribution."

This former pro basketball player's dreams of being a diplomat seem even more unlikely when you remember he once said, "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."

Because the U.N. doesn't have enough to do, this former boy band member once explained, "I also want to work with the United Nations to help the great apes and the coral reefs."

We've gotta start going to church with this guy. As he explained, "I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky... A pulsating force of incredible energy."

Maybe it just sounded better in his head, but this actor once (regretfully) admitted out loud, "I enjoy the company of cattle. I really enjoy knowing them, running my hand over them."

There's a first time for everything and then after that it can't be a first time again ... or something. This songstress once said, "I think you can't repeat the first time of something."

This is why crack is wack. Further proving that he has no imagination, this singer once tried to defend himself by saying, "The reason why I tried to kill that man is because he spat on me. That's the dirtiest thing you can do to a man."

Stupid books have no substance, no morals, no words. This singer once complained, "There's, like, no lessons... There's, like, no books about anything."

Seems this politician thinks global warming is so bad that the climate is melting the stripes right off the animals on the Veldt. He once said, "A zebra does not change its spots."

Failure is not an option -- unless it's school we're talking about. This rapper admitted, "I failed ninth grade three times, but I don't think it was necessarily 'cause I'm stupid."

Sounds like someone probably has a really weird Amazon Wish List. This Canadian songstress once said, "To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from God."

Someone took the United States Secretary of the Interior title a little too literally, telling that person, "You've done a nice job decorating the White House."