Dumb Celebrity Quotes

This is how the world ends -- not with a bang, but without procreation. As this actor explained, "I have this wacky theory about the end of civilization, that people will trade up ... until they're too old to have kids. And the world will come to an end."

We don't know if he was referring to men or women or animals or what, but this depressing alt-rocker once complained, "Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death."

This former president takes his role as a faux-Aquaman seriously. The country realized he should stay away from metaphors when he said, "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

Thanks for your spectacular insight, Captain Obvious. This actress once stated the oh-so-apparent, "Wireless communications are an integral part of our culture today."

How do you think the allegory of acting sent him to this plane of existence? As this lauded thespian explained of his craft, "I've been planted here to be a vessel for acting, you know what I mean?"

This singer and actress believes that everything you read on the internet is true. For example, one time she claimed, " is such a perverted movie. It's all about Ecstasy. I swear! Look it up online."

They say dogs are just like their owners -- and this actor is no exception. As he tells it, "I pee outside my house in my yard. I usually start my day off by taking the dogs out. While they go, I go. I bond and I feel like a caveman."

This singer and reality show judge might also be a fireman, a police officer or an EMT -- because as she once so egotistically explained, "I'm my own hero. That's my job."

This frequently dour actress is going to have a rough career. As she explained, "I don't want to make movies for kids, and I don't want to make movies for adults either."

This teen pop sensation should stay far, far away from current events and politics. As he once mused, "I'm not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad."

This singer/actress combo seems a tad confused by how words work. She once contradicted herself by explaining, "I'm not really a flirt, but I am a girl ... I do manipulate men when I feel like it."

This rapper, perfumer and fashion designer wants to be just like his idol. As he once asserted, "I think that it's important for me to mature and evolve as an artist ... I'm trying to get my Black Bruce Willis on."

This singer has a fear of casting ballots for the POTUS, but it's cool because he votes for imaginary things too. As he claimed, "I've voted for lots of things besides the President - lots of things that have changed childrens' lives and the planet's life."

This actress loves nature so much she occasionally engages in dendrophilia, which is basically sex with trees. As she once explained, "We're not tree huggers, we're tree humpers. It's hotter."

She may not wear a raspberry beret, but she definitely goes in through the out door, out door. As this actress once explained, "If I go to a concert or a sporting event I usually go in a VIP entrance. And leave the same way."

This heavily eye-lined young singer likes her musical genres to have very strict boundaries. As she griped, "People think pop is rock, and the lines are getting blurred ... Now Rihanna is wearing f---ing leather jackets, and it's really annoying."

This actor is so ready for the zombie apocalypse that he once assumed it was already here. As he explained, "With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie."

Psh, that Van Gogh guy is the Nic Cage of painting. This comedian once said, "I don't care if people think I am an overactor ... People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter."

Pirating is really hard, you guys. Almost as hard as verb conjugations. This glitter-covered singer once said, "I've doven. Doven? Diven? ... I'm pretty much a pirate."

This singer and actress thinks you should do as she says, not as she does. Despite believing it's wrong, she perpetually ponders, "Why did God give me my talent, my gift, my family? ... I know you're not supposed to question God."