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10 Best ‘American Pie’ Quotes

American Pie
Universal Pictures

‘American Pie’ was the crowning teen comedy of the ’90s, and it made sure that Jason Biggs would forever be known as that guy who had sex with a pie. The scene would be parodied across multiple medias, and the raunchy comedy would even give rise to films like ‘Not Another Teen Movie.’

Featuring an all-star 1999 cast of Chris Klein, Alyson Hannigan, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid, Seann William Scott, Mena Suvari, Natasha Lyone, Eugene Levy and Jennifer Coolidge, the franchise would go on to make a total of four films with the principal cast and even spawned it’s own line of four spin-off films.

You can check out our Top 10 favorite quotes from the film below (in no particular order).

“I would like to make an announcement. There is a gorgeous woman masturbating on my bed.”

- Jim, who is secretly videotaping Nadia in his room

“God bless the internet.”

- Finch, watching Jim do a strip-tease via the web

“You realize we’re all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.”

- Jim, worrying about the state of his virginity

Jim: “Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?”
Kevin: “You want to take this one?”
Oz: “Like warm apple pie.”
Jim: “Apple pie, huh? … McDonald’s or homemade?”

“It’s like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it’s not a game … What you want is a partner to return the ball.”

- Jim’s Dad trying to explain masturbation

“No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!”

- Kevin, vowing to lose his virginity by college

Stifler’s mom: “I got some scotch.”
Finch: “Single malt?”
Stifler’s mom: “Aged 18 years. The way I like it.”

“This one time, at band camp…”

- Michelle, beginning every story ever

“I am The Sherminator. I’m a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.”

- Chuck, trying to prove that he has game

Jim: “Did you see ‘The Little Mermaid’ on TV yesterday? Ariel, she’s so hot!”
Oz: “She’s a mermaid, dude.”
Jim: “Yeah, but not when she’s on land, Oz.”

Dumb Celebrity Quote

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